1. If it weren’t for my lawyer, I’d still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging.
—Joe Martin
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2. Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
—Ambrose Bierce
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3. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
—Noel Coward
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4. The difference between death and taxes is death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.
—Will Rogers
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5. You know you’re getting old when you stop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.
—George Burns
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6. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
—Groucho Marx
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7. Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.
—Groucho Marx
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8. Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.
—Sam Levenson
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9. Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum sonatur. (Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)
—Unknown Author
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10. The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
—Calvin Trillin
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—Joe Martin
-----------------------------------
2. Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
—Ambrose Bierce
-----------------------------------
3. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
—Noel Coward
-----------------------------------
4. The difference between death and taxes is death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.
—Will Rogers
-----------------------------------
5. You know you’re getting old when you stop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.
—George Burns
-----------------------------------
6. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
—Groucho Marx
-----------------------------------
7. Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.
—Groucho Marx
-----------------------------------
8. Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.
—Sam Levenson
-----------------------------------
9. Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum sonatur. (Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)
—Unknown Author
-----------------------------------
10. The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
—Calvin Trillin
-----------------------------------
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