English quotes

1. The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money.
—David Richerby



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2. My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.
—Garry Shandling


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3. I don’t deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don’t deserve that either.
—Jack Benny



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4. I always wanted to
 be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
—Lily Tomlin


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5. If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.
—Mel Brooks
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6. If I only had a little humility, I’d be perfect.
—Ted Turner


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7. When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
—Henny Youngman


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8. The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
—Groucho Marx


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9. Hofstadter’s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter’s Law.
—Douglas Hofstadter


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10. Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.
—Franklin P. Jones